In Conclusion

Back in May and June, I was trying desperately to summarize my thoughts and feelings about my year of service in AmeriCorps NCCC-FEMA Corps. It was a task that I found nearly impossible, and it made me frustrated, angry, sad, and completely unable to reflect upon my year. Everyone was asking me to finish my blog and write a final post, and the pressure wasn't helping. I felt as though I was trying to push myself too hard and others were trying to force it on me at the same time, and had I rushed into it and tried to summarize my year, it would have been a post written to get it out of the way and wouldn't have been organic, and definitely not worth reading. The past 3 weeks I have had a lot of time to think about my life right now (about 4 hours every day in the car, I have to stay occupied) So here I am, 5 months after graduation, ready to share my final thoughts.

One thing I can't do is summarize my year in just one word or one sentence. It was the most incredible, beautiful, challenging, emotional, educational, and amazing year of my life. It's hard to find even a sentence that pinpoints feelings and thoughts but also the impact it had on me as a person, let alone one word. A few times throughout this blog, I made lists to talk about what I was learning, so for Part I of this conclusion I'm going to choose 5 lessons I learned from my year.

          

Lesson #1:
Everyone is human.

hu·man

ˈ(h)yo͞omən/

adjective

adjective: human

1. 1.

   of, relating to, or characteristic of people or human beings.

   "the human body"

   synonyms:

   anthropomorphic, anthropoid, humanoid, hominid "in human form"

   • of or characteristic of people as opposed to God or animals or machines, especially in being susceptible to weaknesses.

     "they are only human, and therefore mistakes do occur"

     synonyms:

     mortal, flesh and blood; More

   • of or characteristic of people's better qualities, such as kindness or sensitivity.

     "the human side of politics is getting stronger"

     synonyms:

     compassionate, humane, kind, considerate, understanding,sympathetic, tolerant; More

   • ZOOLOGY

     of or belonging to the genus Homo.

noun

noun: human; plural noun: humans

1. 1.

   a human being, especially a person as distinguished from an animal or (in science fiction) an alien.

   synonyms:

   person, human being, personage, mortal, member of the human race;More

Please note the pieces of the definition which I highlighted. We are susceptible to weaknesses. We note the sensitivities of ourselves and others. It is okay to show these qualities of yourself, and admit them to others. It's even better to notice someone else's weaknesses or sensitivities and do you absolute best to accommodate those things, even help them improve. In order to work as a team, it is essential to know your own weaknesses and recognize your own sensitivities so you can work on self-improvement for the benefit of those around you, and for both team and personal growth. As the great Kelvin Rankin told us, "When conditions and people are at their worst, you must be at your absolute best." As a Team Leader, you need to know how to overcome the obstacles that impact you whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally, and you need to learn how to recognize it, talk about it, and ask for help when you need it. Know how to keep cool and keep control, especially in high-stress situations. You shouldn't keep it all in all the time, though, because showing a weakness or displaying sensitivity isn't anything negative. It's healthy. It's human. My first lesson as a Team Leader was that we are all human, myself included.

Lesson #2:
Laugh. 

Humor is one of the most important things you can carry around with you anywhere you go. In AmeriCorps, we need to travel light (uhhh don't ask my team to grade me on that one) so we really need to be resourceful. Laughter can get you into a conversation, it can be a shield that deflects an uncomfortable topic. Also, an emotional outburst that presents itself in laughter is far better than a flood of tears. I laughed for so many reasons. I laughed because someone made a joke. I laughed because someone didn't. I laughed because sometimes, if I wasn't going to laugh I was going to cry. I laughed because I was genuinely happy. I laughed because someone was being defiant and I thought it was ridiculous. I laughed because I had to, or I wanted to. Sometimes I needed that little nudge from my team to find the humor and recognize that something was funny, because I could be a bit reluctant to let go of the serious side of me. But for those of you who always made an effort to make me laugh or make light of a situation, thank you. And for those of you who laughed at my corny jokes and stupid puns, thank you a little bit more because I know you don't actually think I'm funny. :)

Lesson #3:
Never give up.*

Somewhere down the road, however far away it may be, it's all going to be worth it. The small pieces might not fit together, but the big picture is the most beautiful thing you will ever see. Embrace it. Embrace the challenge. September to March was the hardest 6 months I have experienced in my life, and I honestly feel like I have quite a bit to compare that to outside of the AmeriWorld. Nothing in my life has challenged me quite the way my team did, and the way those few months did. And I know that those months were just as challenging for every member of my team. We were all in it together, but we couldn't see it at the time. However, you have to remember that you're not alone, and every person in that van is a human and each person has their own struggles and their own perceptions of the situation. 9 people are going to understand one sentence in 9 different ways. No two people have the same thought process, and it isn't fair to hold that against them. Even after those short 2-3 months where we were a functioning and happy group, we experienced so much turmoil but I never forgot what we achieved together. I am so proud of each and every one of them for overcoming the obstacles we faced and had I given up in December, the first time I had my doubts, or in January when I was disappointed in myself and in them, and in February when I hit rock-bottom and asked permission to pack my bags (Thank you to the people who told me "No" and reminded me to never give up). I can't imagine where my team would be had I given up on them, or how disappointed I would be in myself because I've never been a quitter and I rarely walk away from a challenge. You never know what the outcome would be, so until it's 100% over, don't give up.

Lesson #4:
Play your part.

What is a team if no one contributes? It isn't a team at all. However, just because one person isn't playing their part to the best of their ability, it doesn't mean you should follow suit and do the same. Lead by example and be the best you possibly can be, even when someone else isn't at their best. Maybe they're having an off day, or week. Maybe they need a little inspiration by seeing someone else work really hard. Maybe they're tired or need some motivation. Their best probably looks a lot different than your best. Neither may be "better" than the other because they both have their strengths and weaknesses, but combine those things as a team and you'll all find that when you play your part to the fullest, others can play their part to the fullest too, and you work together more efficiently, quickly, easily, and happily. 

Lesson #5:
Open Up.

Open your heart, open your mind, be open to change, be open to feedback, be open to other options, and be open to new ideas. Absorb as much of the world around you as you can. Absorb the things people say to you. Open your arms to hug your friends (you'll need it). Take it all in. Process it. You can't get anywhere in this program being a closed-minded individual with a one-track mind and a specific way of handling situations. You need to expect that things will change, and you won't be able to prepare for it. You need to know that a team member will say an idea and you can't shut it down. You need to be an active listener,  accept feedback (both positive and negative) and do your best to take action. There wasn't a lot of stability and reliability  in my year, and I needed to really open up and talk about my stresses and my challenges and open my ears and my mind to listen to the concerns of others. Everything had to be open to alternative options or solutions. This year was all about letting others in.

          

I could list a hundred things I learned, but right now, in this moment, those are the things that are really sticking with me. I had a stressful summer readjusting to "Real Life" and trying to find that perfect job and keep moving forward, and many of the things I learned in my service year helped me through the stresses of the months following my return home. I gained so many people skills and learned about building relationships in ways I never thought of before, and handling a variety of challenges. I learned about the things I value the most in people and what I appreciate in my life, and countless other lessons, both large and small. But one last thing I learned is that you can't see the outcome until the storm is over (thanks, FEMA!), and there's a lot of clearing of debris that needs to happen to see how the land has changed. I think that is entirely applicable to my service year, because there was a lot that I needed to sort through upon my return home to really know how my experience impacted me. I'm glad I have started to get to a place where I can look back on it and reflect appropriately.

Thank you to my team, Gulf 2, for enduring this experience with me. Thank you to Team Green for keeping me grounded. Thank you to my family for cheering me on, and my friends who stuck with me across the miles. And thank you to anyone who read this blog, kept up with me on social media, and took any interest in my journey. 

*This is the part where I cried writing this post. My team is the most beautiful collection of unique individuals I have ever come across in my life, and I appreciate their resilience so so SO much.

Updates (again).

Happy May! Since it's been almost a month since my last post (sorry) I think this is long overdue. I've had a few drafts since then but nothing has felt "right." 

So I hope this one works out. 

I've had a ton on my mind lately, and none of it seems fit for a blog post. Why is it that the more thoughts that exist in your head, the stronger the writer's block gets? This is just another update post, since I'm fresh out of ideas. Unless you've got one, then please, share.

In the past month, I've had visits from great friends, gone out with great people, met new people, ran a 5K (and my team won!), made huge progress toward my Life After AmeriCorps plans, and applied for some jobs. We've been working overtime at the Deployment Branch, thanks to the tornadoes and other storms that swept through the south, in addition to presentations and meetings. It's been insanely busy! It's been hard to plan our days, which is really hard on me and takes it's toll. Thankfully I have a great team and they're really understanding and accommodating to the changes, which helps me act the same way. They never get anxious and just go with the flow, which has had a positive impact on my own attitude. I'm such a planner. I like everything laid out step by step, and when someone says "you need to expect change" I'm like, "Yeah I did expect that, see, here's plan B in case that happens and plan B.1 and B.2 in case of X, Y, or Z. Then we move to Plan C, C.1, D..." I'm usually convinced I can plan or prepare for any situation, and thanks to this program I've been able to take a few steps away from that. 

As we move into May and start thinking about closing out this year, I keep thinking about the ways I've changed and the things I've learned in this program, and I think about the ways my team members have grown and I hope that I had a positive impact on them. I don't know if I can summarize the ways I've changed or lessons I've learned, I think I'm just going to have to live my life and slowly reflect on my differences in attitude and behavior from pre- to post-AmeriCorps life. I'm nervous to leave this year of service, but I'm also very, very excited. I'll try to keep you updated on the changes :)

April Updates.

Staff Member: "What is one thing from Round 2 that you'd like to carry with you into Round 3?"

9 voices, almost in unison: "My team, and the bonds we've established."

24 hours later:

Staff Member: "We have a really exciting opportunity ahead of us. We'd like to pull three of your team members to a composite team and replace them with three others."

Team Leader: "You want to WHAT?"

Heading into Round 3, I felt like I was heading into Round 1. A new team, no sense of routine, not knowing the people I was supposed to lead through this program and establish trust, morale, and all of the things that make a team. And I know my team members, old and new, felt the same. That's the one thing I've been telling myself- "We're all in this together." And quite frankly, at the end of the day, it's the only truth that matters. As terrified as I was, I'm now more excited than ever.

I've had a great week. It's been crazy! We're not in permanent housing (currently blogging from a motel room), we don't really have means to cook dinner yet (don't worry, we'll be moved into our location by 11:00 tomorrow morning!), and our days have been abnormally long. But we've done it all together. We've shared responsibilities, offered help to each other when needed, checked in when someone seems like they might be down, and found ways to alleviate each others stress. Theres a beautiful dynamic that exists right now that is much different than anything I've experienced. I can't wait to be in communal lodging, and sharing with another team this time is going to be incredible. The other Team Leader and I are excited to see how this goes. It will present unique challenges, but incredible opportunities and we'll build great relationships. Round 3 is going to be a beautiful hybrid of teams coming together, with the mixed team I have right now and living with others, and I can't wait to see what it blossoms in to. Don't forget, we're all in this together.

__________

We're back in Northern Virginia. Once all of the stress of moving started to die down, I got to remind myself of the beauty that exists here, or at least do my best to uncover it. Driving to and from work, I get to admire the mountains and the sky and the river and all of the natural beauty that exists in the Shenandoah Valley. I am letting myself appreciate the community here, and getting to know its people. I am taking walks and reading the landmark signs and learning about the history. I'm talking with shop owners and introducing myself. I realized today that by the time I leave here I will have spent 5 months here. That makes it fall in 3rd place for "places I've spent the most time in my life" which makes it pretty significant. Yeah, I've been a lot of places, but not for this long! It's time that I make the most of it, and really start to appreciate every little thing that I can. I've found some of the greatest things in my life here, and made countless memories with more to come. This round will close out the year, and it's only going to be as good as I want it to be, and as good as I make it. That's my choice, and I want to make it as great as possible for myself and my team, and the team we'll be living with. Everyone deserves to close out this year of service with positive memories, and I hope I can contribute to that. 

Priorities

This is adapted from an email I wrote to Team Green, with a few edits and modifications to make it a decent blog post. I felt it was appropriate to share these thoughts with my fellow Team Leaders, and I'd like to share them with you, too. My original plan was to share them a week ago, but there are a few things that were more important (read below) to take care of than sitting down and writing a blog. In all honesty, this is the first time I've had to sit and relax that wasn't at work or in a van in the past two weeks! It's amazing how quickly life moves when you're on the go, and that's why I am writing this post. You'll see, read on.

I read a little blurb in a newsletter a couple weeks ago that really spoke to me and that helped me navigate myself through Transition. For those that don't know, Transition is the week between rounds when we're on campus. It's supposed to be time for us to regroup and dive into NCCC culture and remember what being in this program and having Units and a campus support system is all about. For me, and probably others, it feels like a whirlwind of a week full of  schedule changes, team switches, and countless curve balls thrown in our direction without even a little “head’s up!” to let us know to expect something. 

With all of these twists and turns and ups and downs, I was constantly reminding myself of what is important versus what is urgent. Is it urgent that I get my clearance packet done before my scheduled briefing time? Yeah, probably. Is it urgent that I get my PAR done so my team can have funds before we depart for Round 3? Absolutely. But is it important that I stop to say “Hi” to my team members, and to Team Green, and to give hugs when comfort is needed, and try to share smiles and little moments throughout our limited number of days together? You bet it is. Is it important that I spend an extra ten minutes with my team after dinner instead of heading straight back to work? Yes. It IS important. Which is why the PAR, or the clearance packet, or some of the other urgencies can wait a minute. We are all here to make a difference in the lives of others, and support each other and our teams and the entire Corps to the best of our abilities (note: this includes taking care of yourself. you can't do your job if you ignore your own well-being). Do both work and teams need to be attended to? Of course. We ARE here to work and we have expectations to meet. But if something more important comes up, that’s okay. We what we need to do. And we have each other when things get rough, and the important things are what help us navigate through the stresses of the urgent. Take care of yourself, take care of each other, and you'll find a way to get through everything else.

10 Things I'll Miss About You

There's something about the number 10. When you're learning to count, you often learn up to 10 first. Mostly because eleven and twelve are weird and the teens suck, or at least that's what I think about. It's also easy to count to 10, because most people have ten fingers/ten toes. Ten is a pretty decent number. 
Now there are a few things I don't like about 10. The metric system is base 10 and awesome. It WORKS. But other things aren't. A week isn't 10 days, it's 7 (why?). An hour isn't 100 minutes, it's 60. 10 minutes should be 1/10 of an hour. Just make it longer! It would make sense. Everything should function around 10's. If I were empress in ancient Greek or Roman times, I would've made that a thing. I can't do it now, no one likes someone who tries to take over the world (here's looking at you, Putin.) but it would be a great idea. 

Anyway, I've been thinking about 10 a lot. Just a couple days ago I was thinking I had 10 days left here. That suddenly got cut WAY short, but that's another story. My POC thinks I'm coming back 10 days after I leave. That's also another story, and I don't yet know the ending. 

 Anyway, I wanted to wrap up the round, since I'm leaving so soon, with 10 things I've loved about Round 2.

1. Harmony Hollow: You showed me nature, peace, love, and memories. Thanks for giving me the cutest street name I'll probably ever have the joy of being a resident of. 
2. Front Royal: Your town is quaint, cute, and your welcome signs are lovely. There's not much else here but at least you have a Starbucks. You know your priorities, and I appreciate that.
3. Rappahannock Cellars: If I had known beforehand of the magic you would introduce me to, I wouldn't have believed it.
4. Valerie Hill: The sweetest people, the best rooms, great wine, and so much love.
5.  Union Jacks: Because sometimes all you need is a good beer and a hockey game.
6. The Daily Grind: My weekly visits to this coffee shop were more than coffee, I became attached to the people, my favorite chair, and the 20 minutes of peace. 
7. Sunrises and Sunsets: Almost daily I have had the pleasure of witnessing the most gorgeous skies I've ever seen, and often I've witnessed both in one day. There's nothing here that's prettier than the sunrise over the Shenandoah Valley. Well, maybe the sunset. I'm not sure.
8. Snow: At first, the excitement of a snow day bears resemblance to what you felt as a school child, crossing your fingers in your pajamas and staying home with Mom all day. ...Until they call YOU Mom and you've been snowed in for 5 days in a row. Just kidding, it's not easy, but I have many fond memories. Thanks, team. :)
9. Lack of WiFi. Did a 20-something, internet-loving blogger just add "Lack of WiFi" to a "10 Things I Loved" list?! Yes. Yes, she did. Because limited access to the outside world taught me a whole lot about myself, people, and other ways to communicate. I learned about a few things I had been missing, and a lot about what I love.
10. Deployment Branch: Thanks for the best office environment, staff, location, and a million other positive things about this work place. You're all incredible humans.

Round two was a roller coaster. I've learned, I've grown (not physically), I've changed, I've laughed, I've cried, and I've fallen in love. This place is magical, beautiful, and amazing in more ways than I can describe.

I know I'll be back here eventually, but the real question is: Am I going to be gone for 10 days, or am I saying goodbye for 10 weeks?

I'll miss you, Virginia.

Happiness

First: At the time I logged in to write this post, this blog had 4,029 page views. HOLY CRAP. Thank you for following me and joining me through my journey. It's not over yet, so stay tuned for more.

Today, I returned from my lunch break completely fascinated by how happy I am. Now, you might think, "what's so fascinating about being happy?" but honestly, a whole lot. I've always been naturally happy, at least that's what my mom tells me, and I've been through periods in my short 23 years where I've had to step back and say, "I'm not happy, I'm not my usual self, what's wrong?" but for the most part, I just ENJOY being happy, and if I don't have anything to be upset about, then it's natural for me to just be happy. I have a rare, quiet "neutral" where I'm in the middle and content not being on one end of the spectrum, but I'd say my personal average is "happy." But I still pause and start to think, "What in the world got me here?!" because it's pretty damn awesome and I'd like to send a shout-out (think Grammy acceptance speech) for everyone and everything that contributes to this awesomeness. 

One reason why it blows me away so much is because I also have this natural thing I do called FREAK THE HELL OUT. It's triggered by stress and comes with a pile of anxiety, lack of sleep, and a feeling of "I need to call my parents for life advice." (Thanks, guys. You rock.) And normally, at a time like now, I WOULD be freaking out. I'm applying to jobs, which includes trying to figure out which city I'll be living in, and having NO IDEA where it'll take me, I'm not receiving a whole lot of response, I'm about to leave our amazing project site and the connections I've made behind, and I have no idea where Round 2 will take me or what I'll be doing (nothing scares me more than the unknown!). And if there's one thing I love, it's a plan. A solid, fool-proof plan with Plans A, B, C, and D complete with appendices for problem-solving and crisis action plans in case something goes wrong. I mean, I plan my free time for goodness' sake. So why the heck am I so comfortable and happy not having any of my plans solidified for after next Sunday? I have NO IDEA. But I think I'm at a place where I know two things:

1. It's all going to be okay.
2. If it isn't, I know I'll be able to MAKE it be okay. 

And I think that's one huge lesson I've learned in AmeriCorps. We can't plan for everything, but we can prepare ourselves for anything. And if you try hard enough, you can make anything happen. Do the best with what you've got. I've learned that here, too. We have limited everything! As long as I mentally prepare myself for the fact that I have little to zero control over what happens for my next round, and that the only control I have over securing a job for June are trying to show off my writing skills in a cover letter and my resume, know that I also have a few more months, a hell of a lot of motivation and drive, and amazing people supporting me every step of the way, then I know I'll be okay. And when it comes down to it, the more things we look at that we have to appreciate, the more things we FIND to appreciate. And the more things I think about to make me happy, I will find more things that make me happy. Even the little things. The grass might be greener on the other side, but the other side might not have the people and things I appreciate here, so I better not be in too much of a rush to get there.


Thanks for reading! We return to Mississippi for Transition on March 31st, and are scheduled to deploy to Round 3 for our next assignment. Stay tuned to find out where we go, and check out my team on our facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/heckyeahfootball. and share the blog and Facebook with your friends! Leave notes in the comments section, too!

This blog is making me carsick.

I have been dying to blog for what feels like forever. Really probably since my LAST blog post. And now I'm blogging from the 15p on my phone which will inevitably make me nauseous. I just haven't gotten around to it, we have had so much going on! Okay I need to stop, I hate making excuses for myself. I just didn't do it, okay?! Stop judging me, I see you with your judge-y face on. Put that away and read.

A lot has happened since my last post! We've made it past halfway through round 2, and we are well past halfway through the program. I'll actually be on campus in 19 days and graduating in 82 days! Time has flown by. 

We had another team come stay with us last weekend and I got the lovely company of three other team leaders. It was glorious! Our teams hiked and ate together, played music, and had lots of fun. Also, everyone on my team had a huge heart-to-heart two weeks ago when I stepped out for the day, and they all talked out their problems and hugged it out and even cried a little and it was the best thing to ever happen to them for team morale. So the past two weeks have been the happiest I've seen them all since CTI. We've had the best two weeks ever, and we're all going out for pizza tonight. 

Anyway, I try to center my blog posts around a topic but I feel like this is just so much information that I can't! Our work in the deployment branch is going so well, and I can't disclose anything else at this time but we're loving it. We're a little TOO used to it, because I want to answer every phone call I receive with "FEMA Deployment this is Allie" and every time I get introduced to someone I want to ask them to spell their name for me. Virginia is as beautiful as ever and the weather is getting to be pretty nice (except for that snow we are supposed to get Monday... Shhh!) 

I'm honestly just so happy that my team settled some of their differences. It's beautiful to get in the van and hear laughter, and work out together and hear encouraging phrases. They cook together and race to help each other clean up and do dishes. It really did happen in less than a day, they woke up that Sunday on the verge of civil war and went to bed as friends. I wish I could say I had something to do with their progress, but I think it shows a lot that someone took the initiative to start that conversation, and I don't think I ever need to know what was said that day. 

Come to think of it, one of the themes for this round is pleasant surprises. I've had so many happy, wonderful things just appear out of nowhere, and I hope that all of the bad is done and over with. I'd like to finish these last 82 days as positively as possible.

100 Days

This past week, FEMA Corps Class 20 reached a milestone in our service year: 100 days until Graduation! Congratulations, Class 20. We've gone from 10 months (283 days) (11 months/316 days for us TLs!) to only 100 days. 2/3 of the way there!

Then I got thinking. 100 isn't a large number. There are 100 pennies in one dollar. 100 = 10 groups of 10. What can I do in 100 days? And what can I do to make sure I have my post-AmeriLife set up in 100 days? It's crunch time, folks.  

With the 100 days I have left with my team, I can't think of enough ways to show them how much this year has meant to me and how much they mean to me. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure we all enjoy our last 100 days together and make great memories. They're the reason I'm here. 

With the 100 days I have left to plan my life after AmeriCorps, I'm obsessively checking vacancy announcements at desired agencies (thanks to all of the free time in the world at work, they established another call center and our work has slowed down by more than half) and fine-tuning resumes, drafting cover letters, obtaining college transcripts, and applying to jobs. 

With the 33 days I have left in Virginia for Round 2, I'm making the best of it. This place will always hold a special place in my heart and I'm hoping my post-AmeriCorps plans will get me back in the area or close to it, ideally working in DC. There's nothing more wonderful than the people I've met here, both at work and outside of the job, and I couldn't ask for a better location. My team's lodging site is perfect and beautiful, the drive to and from work always includes gorgeous sunrises and sunsets, and the areas around us are quaint, safe, and offer enough to keep us entertained. 

I'll never feel like I have enough time for anything. As excited as I am for this program to wrap up and move on to other opportunities, I won't have enough time with Team Green, Gulf Unit, or my G2 Beauties. I didn't have enough time with my temp group, Cloud 9, or enough time in Denver. I didn't have enough time at home for Winter Break. I don't have enough time in the day to complete everything I hope for. I know nothing is going to last forever, myself included, and I've learned that while it may never last long enough, there is a lot you can do to make the most of the moment you're in  right now, and what you DO have. I've been hearing it since the beginning: It's what you make of it. You'll get out of it what you put into it. It's true. I'm going to put my absolute best into these next 100 days, so that myself and my team get nothing but the best in return. We all deserve to finish this program strong, and to walk away feeling like we had an outstanding year of service. :) 

Mobile Blogging

I can't blog at work, or on my work laptop... Something about my ancient browser not bring supported. But this has been on my mind this week. 

If you are on any social media site, you've seen a "hashtag" which is meant to attach a post to a trending topic and make it more "visible" or something. I won't get into it too much. But on Tuesday, there is a certain one called "Transformation Tuesday" where the idea is to Instagram an old photo of you and a current one and look at how much you've changed. I haven't really participated very often, maybe once in the past. But this past Tuesday I took two very similar photos of myself, one from February 2007 and one from December 2013 and put them side-by-side. Here is the result: 

I look so much like the same person. My face has thinned in some areas and widened in others, that's what the difference between 16 and 23 is. Anyone looking at the photos would see that my hair still curls the same way over my forehead, I have red-eye because of my bright blue eyes, I have lines around my smile and my chin, and I'm happy as ever posing next to my best friends in formal dresses. Even though I look almost the exact same in the two photos, years of growing and learning and experiencing life have completely transformed me as a person. I could go on for DAYS about how I've changed and grown, and I'm sure that anyone who knows me could give you a few sentences on that, but what's really important is that we need to look for transformations in ourselves and those around us in ther actions, not only their appearance. And in AmeriCorps, my job is to help my team members grow and change and live for something bigger than their appearance. The size of your heart or the knowledge in your brain can't be reflected in a hair cut or by dropping a dress size. Don't let your inner self suffer because your outer self wants the most likes on next week's "Transformation Tuesday." Instead, think of how you've transformed yourself. Have you helped transform other people? 

And finally,

Are you a transformer?

Traditions: Can you create them?

Every family has traditions, and as we reflect upon our lives we often easily recall moments centered around these traditions, whether they be holidays, summer events, school vacation weeks, weekends... anything that was routine that we could count on happening often enough for us to remember to do it, but not too often so that we get tired of it. For some, these are things like what to eat on birthdays, or watching a movie on Sundays, or having spaghetti on Wednesdays. For my family, traditions include turkey for breakfast on Thanksgiving (and for dinner) and turkey for breakfast on Christmas. We went to the fair every year but I don't know if that was tradition, habit, or just a way to spend our long weekend. Now, I'm not sure if this is how it happened, but forgive me. I think I was eleven or twelve at the time, so my pre-teen brain was a little funky. Sometime in my late years of elementary school (I think 6th? I think I was 12?) a little cafe opened up in our town. We got up ridiculously early and went before my sisters had to go to school. They were in the middle & high school so we probably left around 6:30. And then we did this, every single Friday. Friday became "Coffee Day." There were times I moaned and groaned about waking up to go sit in a cafe with my sisters, and there were times I couldn't get there fast enough to get a chocolate chip muffin and a chocolate milk. There were times I was just too damn tired to get out of bed that early. But honestly, I loved it. And even in my senior year, my mom and I would take two cars (I needed mine after school, she had to work and I had practice, a game, or work) and we would go get coffee or breakfast (by that time, our little cafe had closed and another reopened, and we usually just went to Dunkin Donuts or a little diner instead) and enjoyed our coffee together. Sometimes it was rushed, but we still made the effort, and I'll never forget those coffee days.

Every family has traditions. As I reflect upon my year, I don't have many memories centered around these types of moments. Right now, I find myself in a new family that was just built. It wasn't built on love and marriage and the joining of two families and a bunch of babies, we weren't friends who decided to move in together, and we didn't find each other on Craigslist. We were sort of thrown into a house together and told to get along and play nice; I was told to make sure everyone gets along and plays nice, and goes to work on time. We don't have traditions yet. It's hard to establish traditions, they're usually something you're born into, and it's especially difficult to establish traditions when you're just trying to establish common ground. But perhaps one can help the other. What do nine 18-25 year olds have in common? They all like coffee. They all hate Mondays. We all have to get up early. So I decided to make the best of it with coffee. We are now leaving our house 20 minutes early every Monday to stop at the Dunkin Donuts that we pass on the way to work for our own little Coffee Day, to help make everyone's week begin with a treat. Hopefully this little tradition will stick with us through the end of the program, and help be the creator of some fond memories for my teammates. It's not an original idea (Thanks, Mom!) but I'm hoping that it will have a positive outcome.

Learning to live... with you.

We've had about one full week here in the Shenandoah Valley. The snow has kept us home today, but we're still working on AmeriCorps requirements and reviewing our training notes from the office. And blogging, because why not? 

Just for fun: we live with 9 people in 1 house. Here's our "pantry" that lasts us for one week. It doesn't last longer than that!

The past week has been a whole new world. Denver was populated, we were separated from each other, we were mixed with other teams. We didn't hang out in the same room every night and we weren't together ALL. THE. TIME. The worst part? We didn't get to know each other. 

At the beginning, we did light team bonding activities that didn't go over well and received low responses. We had team meetings to review updates and information, and then we were on our way. We got to Denver, and everyone worked in different areas. We only ate together 3 times each week, and our Team PT usually involved other teams so we could have bigger games. Having other teams to be around in Denver was great for our social lives, but it was highly toxic to my team's morale. Did I love it? Absolutely. Is that a bad thing? Probably. 

I'm not usually the first to admit my faults, but I know I could have done more to bring my team together. However, it would have felt forced and unnatural and I hate to be "that guy" who is always forcing people into activities that they hate. I don't really like to be the asshole, although as a Team Leader it kind of happens a lot.

Being here in the Shenandoah Valley is a different experience for us. We all live in one building, TOGETHER! We cook TOGETHER and eat TOGETHER and work out TOGETHER. The girls share a room, the guys share a room, and I have my own room (one of the TL perks. It usually doesn't happen so I'm enjoying it while it lasts). We have space for meetings and games. We have a game table! It's full of things for us to do together. It's pretty awesome, all of this "togetherness."

I should probably get to the point of this post. The togetherness is killing us. We're just not very good at it. I'm not good at it - I'm an introvert. I'm trying and pushing myself (quite far) to develop my extraverted side. But there are 8 other people who function quite differently than I do, and differently from each other (only two people are the same on their Myers-Briggs test, the rest of us are different!). So I am running a series of Team Workshops to help us learn how we all function. Our first one was Myers-Briggs. While it may not be 100% accurate, it helps us get the general idea that people function differently and have different social needs. If we remember that other people are introverted or extraverted, or that people have stronger feelings or need step-by-step directions or a fully planned out daily schedule, we open ourselves to be accepting of other styles and remember that we each might need to stretch to find a middle ground. For this workshop, we went through each trait and split into groups, and wrote a list of 5 things that will help the opposite work with us, what we need from them, and what about us that we want them to understand. The feedback from the team was really positive, and I hope that we'll continue on a positive path.

A common subject brought up by all members is positivity. They want each other to be more positive, but there are still a lot of bad attitudes floating around, and we are all guilty. Negativity is contagious and misery loves company, but positivity is contagious too. This week we are going to move in to attitudes and moods, and hopefully it generates constructive discussion. I've talked to a few team members about this already, and I'm still receiving input, but so far we've decided that we are going to approach topics from "Can I talk to you before you have your coffee?" to "When you're down, what can I do to lift you back up?" If you had asked me about these conversations before joining AmeriCorps, I would have told you that conversations like this are "bullsh*t" and "unimportant" and that "they don't matter" but honestly, it helps people live in a team environment together. When I think of living with people, I think of family. I've always struggled with roommates, and I lived by myself for my last year of college. Other than that, it's been immediate family. My parents have known me for my entire life. They don't need to ask me what they can do for me if I'm down, they already know. My sisters know when I'm grumpy before I do. The only other person I would picture living with would be a spouse, and not that I have any experience, but I would imagine that those are the kind of relationships where you already know a lot about that person and are willing to compromise. The people you've lived with for your whole life are those who you have been able to mold from, and you have molded them in ways too.  Its is a very different feeling from being thrown into a house with 9 very different people from very different places. You have to learn new things and ways of interacting, and learn how to live with them, because this isn't your childhood home anymore. The little things are usually the things that matter the most, because of perception. Everyone perceives differently, and an issue that seems minuscule to one person is likely a grenade to someone else.

My biggest hope for this round is that we all learn to live together, have fun together, and be open with each other. I feel terrifyingly like my parents when I say this, but the biggest Team Goal I have for Round 2 is one day, just ONE DAY out of our two and a half months, that everyone is pleasant, no one fights, and we all just get along.

I can hear my dad right now in my head, "Good luck, Kid."

Long overdue... and a piece on diversity.

I keep telling myself that I need to update this blog, but then I tell myself that it can wait, and other things need to get done first. 

Today, nothing needs to get done first. I am in a beautiful little coffee shop in an old part of some town in Virginia (That's probably the most I can tell you). It is the exact same shape and size as a perfect little wine bar that a few Team Leaders and I discovered during our last weekend in Denver, and is just as cozy. I think I'm gonna like it here.

After departing Denver on December 17, we went back to campus in Vicksburg for a couple days, cleaning up and helping in the supply room and unpacking and repacking our belongings for our trips home for Winter Break. I was too far past exhausted and a million kinds of overwhelmed to even consider opening up my laptop, let along writing an entire blog post to summarize Round 1. Over Winter Break, I was much happier sitting with my family and cooking real food and playing with my nephews to want to be on my computer much at all. The time I spent with my family over break was what recharged me and what helped me regain enough strength to return. The thought of not returning didn't cross my mind, but I definitely needed that two-week recovery period before returning to the program.

Round 1 sucked the life out of me. I loved it, because between through every trial and all of the tears, lessons, and difficult days there were the amazing days and the fun times, a thousand laughs, and a recurring sense of accomplishment. Ups and downs are exhausting. It's like running up and down hills for 2 and a half months. No matter how happy it makes you, and how well you do, how many breaks you take, you're going to feel tired at the end of it. I am endlessly grateful for the opportunities I've had, the people I've met, and the team that I have. I've learned so much about myself and other people, and I am currently learning how to better myself and bring the best out in me so that in Round 2, I can bring out the best in others. It's not easy, but I can do this. I am practicing how I can work with each individual on my team and highlight their best qualities and find their best moods, so everyone can benefit. I don't know if I'll accomplish this, but I am hoping that just giving extra effort and trying really hard will have some sort of benefit. I guess I'll find out.

I have never been so confident in my leadership skills while being terrified and fearing that they don't exist at the same time. I know they're there. Or is it "here?" I wouldn't be here if I didn't have them, but every day I question myself. I still panic that I can't do this, but somehow I wake up the next day and here I am, and suddenly we're all going out the door and off to another day of work. 

That brings me to my next point. Work. We're in Northern Virginia, at a FEMA facility. It's a million kinds of awesome. We're working with the deployment branch, and the Automated Deployment Database (ADD). We will be calling reservists to deploy them, and updating employee information in the system. We are all working on the same task, together. I'm really excited about this, because as a team we will be experiencing the same thing. We also live together in a lodge at a summer camp. It's pretty cool, it even came with two pet birds, at least one pet mouse, and a family of stinkbugs. Our outdoor pets include a few dozen deer and at least one skunk. It did NOT come with cell phone service or WiFi. So we're pretty isolated with our wildlife pets, and there's a trail behind the lodge that leads to the Appalachian Trail. It's comparable to a black hole as far as technology goes, but we are really close to nature (immersed in it, really) and it's great to all live together in a sort of house that we have all to ourselves. We have space for indoor and outdoor PT and to have team meetings after work and be able to hang out together. We've hit the AmeriCorps jackpot as far as living goes. Most people think it sounds terrible, but I would take a two hundred nights in this lodge with my team over two months in an Extended Stay Motel. We also have an awesome job, and a really awesome office team that we'll be working with. Our POCs are incredible and we're in the best location. We're in for a really awesome Round 2, and my energy is so much higher than it was in Round 1. I'm a different kind of motivated, and I honestly feel like I wake up every day with a purpose, and I know I'll be going to bed feeling much more accomplished every night. 

Oh, and just to add - The Appalachian Mountains and The Rocky Mountains are both a million kinds of beautiful, but are completely incomparable. I love this area and I find it breathtakingly beautiful, but I felt that way about Denver, too. It's just a different kind of beautiful. 

Which also reminds me, I'd like to leave you with two quotes today. One is what got me through this week. I have NO IDEA who said it, but I've said it to myself at least a dozen times this week. I've really had to check my own attitude a couple of times. "You can't live a positive life with a negative mind." It starts with yourself. Take some initiative and hold yourself accountable. Don't make someone else try to change your attitude, it's impossible and it's exhausting for them. Trust me, I definitely have experience in that.

The second one was an effort to explain diversity to someone who said that diversity isn't a "thing" and we need to all be equal and a bunch of negative things that I don't want to repeat or discuss on here. When my efforts to explain that diversity isn't just skin color, but is made up of so much more and why we should celebrate diversity were failing, a team member looked up and gave a perfect metaphor. It was almost too good to be true, so I asked where he heard it. He said "well, I wrote a paper on these two artists, and I was taught that if you can't explain something with words, you should try art." Which I thought was just as wonderful as the actual explanation he gave. It went like this: "Take a Turner and a Monet, they're both beautiful paintings but the methods to create them were completely different. We are all equally beautiful people, but we were created differently, and that is diversity." I don't think it needs more of an explanation. Sometimes you just need to close your eyes, but keep your mind wide open.